“You need to accept me how I am!”

Does your potential hinge on whether you are accepted?

Have you ever heard someone, perhaps a teen, say, “I just need you to accept me”? Or have you ever heard someone say they need their parents’ acceptance before they can move on in life? Have you ever felt you needed acceptance to get out of an emotional rut?

Wanting to feel accepted is powerful and needed. But there is so much confusion on what “acceptance” is or even what it means. Can I tell you what I found in my research? It really is quite profound.

I’ve interviewed dozens of people, both individuals who have experienced heartache and professionals from a wide range of expertise, and I found that the most basic need is that of feeling safe. Feeling safe means more than knowing nobody is going to beat you up, but also feeling emotionally safe with someone. The #1 predictor for whether someone feels safe is whether they are able to trust. Trust is so incredibly powerful and healing, and it is also the primary ingredient for feeling accepted. Here’s how.

You will feel accepted if you feel you can trust someone because, despite your faults, imperfections, or even philosophical or moral differences, you can trust that that person will still be there for you. They will still be your friend, love, or trusted colleague. They do not perceive you to be of less worth or value simply because you see things differently or because you are having a difficult time.

I am incredibly excited for my new book to be published next summer, because it provides much more context to everything I have written in this post, and it applies to a very diverse group of people. Will you join me on Facebook and/or Twitter?

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