What Everyone’s Reading: Wife Accidentally Abusing Husband

If you’ve been on Facebook, or any social networking universe, chances are you’ve seen the article written by a woman who “accidentally” realizes she is abusive to her husband. Rather than repeating the entire article, I want to share some thoughts and see if you agree or disagree. (Click HERE for the original article http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time ).

The general idea of the article is that a woman, the author of the article, realizes she has been incredibly mean (read: abusive) to her husband. As she begins to recognize the meanness of her remarks, she also begins to notice more of the things that she appreciates about her husband.

Writing and submitting something like this would likely be a hard thing to do for any genuine person who is wanting to repair their marriage.  I applaud anyone’s attempts at bringing to light the challenges of domestic violence, including any form of abuse (mental, physical, sexual, and spiritual) between family members. Finally, I also strongly suspect that spousal abuse of husbands is much more rampant than reported. (Please understand: Abuse of ANY kind is wrong and I completely acknowledge all forms of abuse, including men abusing women, is also under-reported).

Having written all these things, there are several issues I have with the article. The first one is I believe it is bogus. I’m not saying it’s not possible for someone real to experience this or write this, but the writing or language in the article just doesn’t ring true for me. I have worked with abusive individuals and the article sounds like it is either (1) written by a man or (2) made-up. If either of these is true, and I hope they AREN’T, it will greatly undermine other men’s attempts to report abuse or to get help. This is why I hope my suspicions are not true. (A similar thing happened recently when a major magazine published a rape story that was false  http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-0407-goldberg-rolling-stone-campus-rape-story-20150407-column.html ).

If I am wrong, and if the article is legitimate, I still have concerns with the article. Below are just a few:

-Perhaps I missed it, but nowhere in the article did it say that she talked to her husband and both felt it would be okay to submit this experience or story. Sharing any story that exploits the victim (male or female), or even sharing a story like that without the victim’s approval, is flat out wrong.  Any legitimate attempt at taking responsibility would cite their spouse’s approval before sharing their experience.

-Similarly, the title of the article really bothers me. The title says that the wife “accidentally” abused her husband. This is so wrong. If the situation is real, she was abusive. End of story. If the author is real, the article seems much more like a “check the box” confession I’ve seen among other abusive individuals (particularly who are made to confess in order to avoid some kind of penalty).

-Abusers crave power, and no doubt this article would give her just that. She is brave for sharing her story, but it reinforces the image she says she once had of him. Abusers seek power in various ways, and if confessing on a large-scale would do that, then she got what she wanted. I regrettably question the motive of this article’s author. If she was abusive and wanted to set the record straight, she would give her real name and be held accountable for her actions.  Perhaps I have it all wrong and there was an attempt to conceal the husband’s identity by not publishing her name on the article. I just feel there is something fishy about this viral article and I hate thinking that because there are so many stories, and more importantly, families out there who need help with this very thing.

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