Top 5 Mistakes Newly Married Couples Make

Top 5 Mistakes Newly Married Couples Make

1. Not seeking the right kind of advice. Couples often land into one of two categories: asking everyone for advice, or not asking anyone for advice. Some couples limit who they ask advice from to only a parent or a friend.   It’s important to select individuals who are trained to work with expectant and recently married couples, which may include a counselor, premarital counseling, or clergy member. A good “marriage book” can also help, but won’t likely replace the good a real person can do.

2. Preparing for the wedding, but not the marriage. This mistake tags on to not seeking the right kind of advice, but it is even broader than that. Weddings, on average, cost tens of thousands of dollars, and require enormous amount of time and energy. Discuss finances, children/parenting/discipline, leisure, goals, dreams, gender role expectations, traditions, etc.

3. Overlooking early threats to their marriage. Research has shown that the earliest years of marriage are the most fragile, and it’s often because couples are lacking the tools for dealing with the threats to their marriage. “Grow Your Marriage by Leaps & Boundaries” is chalked full of resources to help you recognize these threats, and how to deal with them.

4. Assuming the worst. There are those who assume nothing can get in between them and their spouse, and there are those who think everything will. Do you automatically assume your marriage is in trouble every time you and your spouse disagree? If you lose your wedding ring, do you take it as a “sign” that the two of you shouldn’t be married? If your spouse is 10 minutes late in getting home, do you get angry with her/him? Assuming the worst leads to a lack of trust, as well as “burn out.”

5. Seeing their marriage as the remedy for their lives. Too many couples see their marriage as the end. No, not like dying, but rather that getting married is all it takes and everything will be stress-free after. They feel that marriage or their spouse “completes” them. Many individuals who fall in love see their spouse as their ticket to finally being loved, accepted, respected, and cherished. Or they see their spouse as everything they wanted earlier in life, only to realize shortly after the wedding that is not the case. Love is NOT enough for having a lasting marriage; thousands of people who love their spouse still get divorced every year. Every person has something they are needing to work through, but assuming that our spouses will carry the burden of our own hurts, fears, and mistakes is unfair.

The good news is that nearly all couples want their marriage to be successful, and having the proper tools, knowledge, and strategies with dealing with conflict and unrealistic expectations are linked to marital satisfaction and stability.

What do you think? Would you add any “top mistakes” to this list?

Grow Your Marriage by Leaps & Boundaries is a great resource for couples preparing for or are recently married.

 

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